ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
