Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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