oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did I show you my penis last night?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
