That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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