I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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