Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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