Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I deserve this hangover.
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