did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
