this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
