she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
