It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
