Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
