we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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