Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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