sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
