Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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