Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
