dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
