opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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