i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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