After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
