We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
