This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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