The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
