just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
