Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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