so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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