even my farts smell like vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
