the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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