There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
