so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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