Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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