I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
