his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
