my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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