I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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