hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
