Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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