The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
