I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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