We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
