I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
