once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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