i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
