Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
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dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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