Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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