i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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