you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline