I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
