i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's