her facebook's as public as her vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other