She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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