It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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