I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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