Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
