I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
