the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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