Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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