I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
