I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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