now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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