why didn't you poke me back
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
