did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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