is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
