Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
